I know it's not always easy but, do what you can to keep the peace. Easier said than done around here most days. From day to day things just get harder and harder. The days just seem to stretch on and as if I'm looking at things through a looking glass, Gainesville seems to be getting further and further away. The heat has got everyone close to their boiling points and I'm no exception. How do I find the balance? I was under the impression that for the next few years at least the scale was shifted to my side. Things should be about me right now. Soon enough I'll out fighting life on my own and have no time for myself so this should be my time. 

Everything seems to be a paradox this summer. Finally got out of the dorm just to come home to an earlier curfew and no friends. The beaches are beautiful but the sun is blistering. Not paying rent living at home but rather paying with my sanity. My family comes down for a week or so to break up the monotony but the air is thick with more than just the usual 90% humidity. The tension between the opposing teams is brutal. It makes for an exhausting impossibly inflexible schedule. It makes me want to scream except that I can't scream anymore. I can't ignore it anymore either so I guess it all boils down to this: Don't Snap. I could come up with an escape plan but that's a little too permanent. The collateral has already been laid on the table, if I go, there's no coming back. So I could find little temporary day trips. I could pick up more shifts at work. Maybe I'll even get another job? The studio opens next week, at least then I'll have a little release. 

As for making her cry... Is it wrong that I don't feel bad? Is there a screw missing, or some signal that's getting lost in translation among all the firing neurons? Am I really a rude, ugly, mean-hearted bitch? I can relate to music and animals and Joy like I can ride a bike. When it comes to her snotty nose crying however it's not there. It's like a void of emotion when it comes to her antics. I could see how they'd be moving to most people but after over a decade of the same act and the same argument it just gets old. Still, she is my mother. I should have some... compassion? Ugh I hate the word like I hate hell. The way she extends the short "A" sound and scrunches up her nose when she says it. The quiver in her voice doesn't help either. It's not her fault necessarily. She was born like that I guess, dramatic and prone to tears. I was just born like this I guess, apathetic and prone to screaming. 

contiuum

I can't stop listening to John Mayer's Continuum album. I might start singing it in my sleep. Well, that wouldn't be that surprising considering I sleep with my headphones on. I listened to John's discography a little out of order. Of course I started by making Room for Squares, and then moved on to bigger and Heavier Things. After that I gave Try a try and finally got a lesson in Battle Studies. Somehow I missed out on Mr. Mayer's self-proclaimed best album: Continuum. Now I’ve never been a huge follower of John Mayer. Like I said, I had a lot of his music but not all of it. Just never really gave it the time or the ear I’ve later found that it truly deserves. Per recommendation of my friend I started listening to more and more of his music, live covers and studio sessions on YouTube, followed his blog and tweets, and slowly but surely I fell out of like and in love. I did the responsible thing and bought the album on iTunes instead of pirating it from some pop-up laden, less than credible website. This purchase is undoubtedly up there with the best ten dollars I’ve spent.

In a recent issue of Rolling Stone featuring Mayer on the cover, focused on his most recent release, Battle Studies, Mayer makes a point to note that his new album doesn’t reach the same caliber as Continuum did. “I know I’m supposed to say that my newest is the best one. Bullshit. Continuum is my best one. And I think you gain more than you lose by saying that.” How could I have missed this one? Me? I claim to be this huge fan but yet had no knowledge of this piece of art.

And then I wonder why I waste my time writing this review on this album four years later. I mean, he’s got people like Eric Fucking Clapton on his side, why should my opinion matter? Don’t worry. I’m not going to present some argument about how the fans’ opinions are the opinions that matter or waste your time with some anecdote about how this album changed my life. My life was fine before Continuum and I can’t say it’s any better now that I’ve been listening to it on loop for a month. (Play Count is up to 25 on my favorite tracks.) I just want anyone who happens upon this little ditty to see what I see in this music. 

devout

"You're special."
That phrase alone has so many connotations. It came into my life under a less than usual circumstance on Wednesday.

This semester, the Spanish class I took met five days a week which gave all of us beginning Spanish speakers plenty of time to make acquaintance with mostly everyone who had the energy to come to the closet in Matherly. One of the girls' names is Nisha, a senior, Trini or Trinidadian?, and eager to learn the language. She also is eager to spread the word of the lord. I discovered this earlier in the semester when I walked with her to our next class. I was asking her how she handles having so many morning classes (as it was I had trouble making it to this 3:00 Spanish class). Her response: "I wouldn't have been able to do it without the Lord." Being unsure of what I believe about the after life, religion, and everything in between, I politely tip-toed my way out of that conversation and said something along the lines of, "Yeah, whatever works for you." She was a nice girl and I didn't want to shoot down her ideals and even less did I want to get into a debate over my already precarious standing with all things holy.
The semester continued and Operation Conversion was successfully avoided. On the occasion I'd notice her WWJD shirts or that one time when she had a picket sign with a message from the almighty Himself. But, hey, freedom of speech right? Peaceful parading is allowed.
Wednesday was the last day of classes and before I headed over to Spanish I was hanging around the Hub so I could eat a bagel and then study for one of my finals. I saw Nisha in line at Einstein's so I invited her to sit with me. Amid our casual conversation about her graduation plans, my summer plans, etc she throws out how I should find the Lord and accept him into my life. There was no avoiding the conversation this time. We were sitting at a table together, I couldn't just pull out my invisibility cloak and sneak out unscathed. She knew that I was defenseless so she pulled out all the stops. She told me about her past and how God got her off drugs, turned her life around and that he could do that for me. I half-assed made up something on the spot as to why I wasn't in a rush to go looking for Jesus and we finished breakfast and I was making my way to a quiet spot to study.
Just when I thought I was safe she found me again. Finally, after this approach I realized that this was her last chance to share these thoughts with me, these beliefs that she felt so strongly about. Looking at this conversation, one that I usually see as so abrasive and personal and intrusive, I appreciated what she was doing. She was simply sharing her passion with me. The best part of all of this... it made me think about what I could possibly feel so passionately about. I came to the realization while talking to my mother.
Music. It's music. If there's anything that I'm always trying to talk about, influence, share and just ramble about  it's music. I listen to my Bible on my iPod except it's written by Hendrix, Mayer, Mraz, Gaga, Lambert, Hova, Weezy, Common, Kanye, Gaye, Pink Floyd, etc. I worship these artists several times a day, I spread their gospel, I never leave the house without them.
John Mayer: Patron Saint of Heartbreak; Jason Mraz: Patron Saint of Gratitude; Lady Gaga: Patron Saint of Fashion; Jay-Z: Patron Saint of Swagger; Lil Wayne: Patron Saint of Rappers; Marvin Gaye: Patron Saint of Healing...
So, on that note I'm going to drown out the world and dive head first into my music.
For Now,

	Kanye West - Jesus Walks .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine